The Toilet Paper Queen of Alabama (yes, you read that correctly)

     A “brite” for Auburn’s alumni mag. Warning  — atrocious puns ensue.

Iris Hill worked so hard, just to see her career end up in the toilet.
The 29-year-old Auburn alumna won a national competition to become “Queen of the Charmin Go Nation,” a position that puts her, in the cheeky phrasing of the toilet-paper manufacturer, behind a movement to make bathroom experiences more enjoyable.“I truly believe Southern hospitality I learned growing up helped me achieve this goal,” says Hill, a Tuscaloosa native who graduated in 2003 with a bachelor’s degree in zoology and in 2005 with a master’s in biological sciences. “At Auburn, we value the toilet paper that decorates Toomer’s Corner, and we all know how difficult it is to find a nice bathroom while tail-gating. Toilet paper matters.”
Hill proved her commitment to Charmin’s “enjoy the go” campaign by swathing herself in the product and standing on a street corner in her hometown to collect more than 3,000 toiletries for the Salvation Army and shelters for homeless veterans and domestic violence victims. “I vowed not to remove my costume until I’d met my goal, so I looked like a marshmallow for four straight days,” she says.On a roll, she wiped out the other four finalists in a series of wacky events, including a toilet-paper toss, a TP pyramid stacking contest, and a bathroom trivia tournament. “I had drilled with flash-cards, so I knew the answer when they asked me what musical key a toilet flushes in,” she says. “E flat.”
Charmin executives were bowled over. “Iris Hill’s energy and enthusiasm to help others ‘enjoy the go,’ demonstrated by her community toiletry drive and steadfast determination were exemplary!” says brand manager Patrick Khattak. “She is the ideal queen of our throne.”“Glee” star Jane Lynch crowned Hill during a December coronation.“I sat on the throne — um, a real one that was all fancy,” says Hill, who works as a model and actor in Los Angeles, “and I wielded a scepter that was not a plunger.”
Hill left the ceremony flush with a $50,000 prize to reign over the comfy “Charminized” bathrooms of Times Square during New Year’s Eve. “I taught passers-by the potty dance, which is sort of a cha-cha-cha, but I added a little country line dancing and hip-hop to it. You have to have a really outgoing personality to hang out in bathrooms in New York.”
Her goal for the future? “To get Charminized bathrooms for the Iron Bowl.”
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One thought on “The Toilet Paper Queen of Alabama (yes, you read that correctly)

  1. Paul Furnas says:

    Hi “Candy”. I just stumbled upon this blog. So glad to have found it; I love your work. But surely, you already knew that. . .
    PAF

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